The Scent Also Rises

Just realised that it’s ages since I've posted and my apologies for that but life is busy, busy, busy. Meeting people, new places, new dogs and most of all expanding my scent palate is so exhausting that by the time I'm back home just the thought of picking up a pen is more than I can face. Everything is just soooo exciting.  

Days begin generally with a quick tour of the garden to check that all the night visitors have left. Some of them like to outstay their welcome and worse leave me little scent presents as if this was their territory instead of mine! Bloody cheek. The cats are the worst, at least that what I think they are - definite feline pong off 'em anyway. Sometimes there's one still lurking in the undergrowth and I see them off PDQ. They make a satisfying sort of thud as they hit the fence panels and the sound of frantic scrabbling up the woodwork is just the icing on the cake. It's quite an art staying just far enough away to not actually catch them while ramping up their panic. But I think I've got it down just right. I just don't know where I get my talent. There's a much bigger smell that haunts the garden in the early hours but from the size of it I'm sure I don't want to meet its owner. I’ve come across a similar one while taking the staff for their daily exercise over Durlston Country Park and, although I investigate, I don't stick around long enough to meet its perpetrator. I have a feeling that mother passed the 'caution in the face of Badgers' gene down in her milk. I just seem to know instinctively to avoid close contact. They're a pretty uncouth lot badgers, their latrines are all over the place on the Country Park and they're enormous!( the latrines that is) Looks like someone has emptied a whole carrier bag full of pooh all in one place and they're best avoided really unless one was hunting badgers of course. Then a swift roll in the latrine might be in order. The things one does for one's hunting vocation! Luckily I can leave that sort of thing up to the German cousins, the Dachshunds, they seem to like that kind of hunting.

These guys are best given a wide berth

Talking of the Country Park, that's my usual stomping ground and its tremendous fun even if I have to drag the staff around with me. There are so many different dogs up there that there's a new experience every time we go. So far I've met Viszlas (strange accents and no vowels), Terriers(fancy themselves a bit if you ask me), Labradors (lugubrious characters and a bit thick), Retrievers ( not much ambition, bit of a one trick pony if I'm honest), more Shih Tzus ( worse accents than the Hungarians and humourless owners. Also looks like he’s been punched in the schnoz and I can’t say I’m surprise about that!). All canine life is here really. Most are great and well up for a game of chase and if they’re not I can usually provoke them enough to start the ball rolling.

The smells are outrageous, Durlston must be a proper Sodom & Gomorrah at night and I have no real idea of what goes on after dark but the smell landscape is mind boggling and canine, vulpine, feline, mellivore, rodentine and avian pongs abound. Make me quite dizzy and my brain is fizzing by the time we get home. Tires me out for all of five minutes. I think I’m a bit ADHD.

Anybody for ritalin cocktail?

The servants, Lynda & Tony as they like to be called, are coming into line nicely. As I think I've mentioned previously they're not the sharpest knives in the drawer but they get there eventually and I can rely on a steady supply of nourishment some of it even quite palatable. They don't seem to understand the necessity for me to sink my teeth into their digits whenever I get excited but they'll just have to get used to it. There's only so many concessions I can make for them. On the plus side they're kinda warm and have some well moulded slot into which I fit nicely.

That’s all for now peeps but stay tuned to the inter webs for more of the profound prognostications of El Sid. Adios.

Puppy Training? Human Training More Like.

Bit tardy with the latest post people. Apologies but life has been just hectic. Got a trip back to the V-E-T where everybody made a big fuss of me and I got lots treats. Cynic that I am, this usually means some heinous event has been perpetrated about which I am completely in the dark. I do seem to have developed a small lump on my neck suddenly. I hope it’s not serious. Somebody now knows where I am at all times and I'm told that my movements can be tracked to the nearest millimetre. Why anyone would be interested in my pooh is anyone’s guess but I’m not bothered. If you’ve done nothing wrong you’ve got nothing to fear as I’m assured and I'd guess I don’t take up much room on the GCHQ database. Speaking of my pooh the staff collect it in little plastic bags which is very touching. They must have quite a collection by now and I’ve resolved to try and deposit my baby teeth where they can be easily located. Maybe I’ll leave them stuck in the kitchen chair legs. 

Try as I might, the ears have insisted on Living La Vida Yoda as you can see. The humans seem to think they're cute but I find they take just a soupçon off my top speed which is a pain. Just have to live with them I suppose short of finding a pair of scissors or standing a bit close to a bacon slicer there's really no choice. 

Look at the size of those things! Will those slow me down or what?

The staff took me out to another strange place where there were a selection of other young canines some of them quite nice really. Took a bit of a fancy to a sheltie who looked mighty fine until she opened her mouth when everything went south quite drastically. God help her mate, he’ll need a set of ear plugs. Dreadful accent with a terrible sharp edge to her tone. Gave me the shudders and quite quenched my libido in nothing flat. Most of the others were much bigger than I am but I’m blowed if I’l back down. The punk mohican got a serious outing that evening.

There was some ‘training’ during for which I could ‘earn’ nibbles of either cheese, which I’ve never had before, or some smoky tasting meat confection both of which were really tasty. Made me concentrate intensely I can tell you and I got loads of praise and, more to the point, loads of tidbits. I’d like to go again and soon. I’m getting lots of ‘training’ at home and consequently lots more treats. One further advantage to this process is that the staff, Lynda & Tony, seem to be responding well to the training too. They’re fairly quick learners I’ll give them that.

Love those treats.

Taken back to the beach where there’s loads more seaweed on the sand which makes a great shake toy though it tastes pretty foul frankly. Met a couple of ShiTzus (not sure what the plural is I’m afraid) and one was quite civilised but the other… well to say she was a fishwife is to understate matters by some considerable margin. Couldn’t understand a word I’m afraid, sounded Chinese but who knows. Reminded me of sis and made me quite maudlin for a while. I kinda miss the little bitch. My low mood never lasts long luckily ‘cos there is so much to see and do.

Another bunch of humans called in recently from Ireland. Nice people but weird accents and a strange peaty smell. One of them was about to be seventy so ten in human years…I think. Big deal. I don’t know what all the fuss is about but it seems to be some kind of achievement. Have to say he’s not wearing so well for a ten-year old. 

Today there’s water falling out of the sky. Now Lynda has a thing she calls a water pistol which is directed at me when she thinks I’m too demanding. This morning I’m shoved out before I’ve had time to do anything untoward and within seconds I’m soaked. How is that fair? I haven’t even had time to transgress in any way. I don’t understand this latest turn of events. No doubt all will become clear…or not.

Signing off now from Maddening Towers. Toodle pip folks.