Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Puppy Training? Human Training More Like.

Bit tardy with the latest post people. Apologies but life has been just hectic. Got a trip back to the V-E-T where everybody made a big fuss of me and I got lots treats. Cynic that I am, this usually means some heinous event has been perpetrated about which I am completely in the dark. I do seem to have developed a small lump on my neck suddenly. I hope it’s not serious. Somebody now knows where I am at all times and I'm told that my movements can be tracked to the nearest millimetre. Why anyone would be interested in my pooh is anyone’s guess but I’m not bothered. If you’ve done nothing wrong you’ve got nothing to fear as I’m assured and I'd guess I don’t take up much room on the GCHQ database. Speaking of my pooh the staff collect it in little plastic bags which is very touching. They must have quite a collection by now and I’ve resolved to try and deposit my baby teeth where they can be easily located. Maybe I’ll leave them stuck in the kitchen chair legs. 

Try as I might, the ears have insisted on Living La Vida Yoda as you can see. The humans seem to think they're cute but I find they take just a soup├žon off my top speed which is a pain. Just have to live with them I suppose short of finding a pair of scissors or standing a bit close to a bacon slicer there's really no choice. 

Look at the size of those things! Will those slow me down or what?

The staff took me out to another strange place where there were a selection of other young canines some of them quite nice really. Took a bit of a fancy to a sheltie who looked mighty fine until she opened her mouth when everything went south quite drastically. God help her mate, he’ll need a set of ear plugs. Dreadful accent with a terrible sharp edge to her tone. Gave me the shudders and quite quenched my libido in nothing flat. Most of the others were much bigger than I am but I’m blowed if I’l back down. The punk mohican got a serious outing that evening.

There was some ‘training’ during for which I could ‘earn’ nibbles of either cheese, which I’ve never had before, or some smoky tasting meat confection both of which were really tasty. Made me concentrate intensely I can tell you and I got loads of praise and, more to the point, loads of tidbits. I’d like to go again and soon. I’m getting lots of ‘training’ at home and consequently lots more treats. One further advantage to this process is that the staff, Lynda & Tony, seem to be responding well to the training too. They’re fairly quick learners I’ll give them that.

Love those treats.

Taken back to the beach where there’s loads more seaweed on the sand which makes a great shake toy though it tastes pretty foul frankly. Met a couple of ShiTzus (not sure what the plural is I’m afraid) and one was quite civilised but the other… well to say she was a fishwife is to understate matters by some considerable margin. Couldn’t understand a word I’m afraid, sounded Chinese but who knows. Reminded me of sis and made me quite maudlin for a while. I kinda miss the little bitch. My low mood never lasts long luckily ‘cos there is so much to see and do.

Another bunch of humans called in recently from Ireland. Nice people but weird accents and a strange peaty smell. One of them was about to be seventy so ten in human years…I think. Big deal. I don’t know what all the fuss is about but it seems to be some kind of achievement. Have to say he’s not wearing so well for a ten-year old. 

Today there’s water falling out of the sky. Now Lynda has a thing she calls a water pistol which is directed at me when she thinks I’m too demanding. This morning I’m shoved out before I’ve had time to do anything untoward and within seconds I’m soaked. How is that fair? I haven’t even had time to transgress in any way. I don’t understand this latest turn of events. No doubt all will become clear…or not.

Signing off now from Maddening Towers. Toodle pip folks.

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