Just realised that it’s ages since I've posted and my apologies for that but life is busy, busy, busy. Meeting people, new places, new dogs and most of all expanding my scent palate is so exhausting that by the time I'm back home just the thought of picking up a pen is more than I can face. Everything is just soooo exciting.
Days begin generally with a quick tour of the garden to check that all the night visitors have left. Some of them like to outstay their welcome and worse leave me little scent presents as if this was their territory instead of mine! Bloody cheek. The cats are the worst, at least that what I think they are - definite feline pong off 'em anyway. Sometimes there's one still lurking in the undergrowth and I see them off PDQ. They make a satisfying sort of thud as they hit the fence panels and the sound of frantic scrabbling up the woodwork is just the icing on the cake. It's quite an art staying just far enough away to not actually catch them while ramping up their panic. But I think I've got it down just right. I just don't know where I get my talent. There's a much bigger smell that haunts the garden in the early hours but from the size of it I'm sure I don't want to meet its owner. I’ve come across a similar one while taking the staff for their daily exercise over Durlston Country Park and, although I investigate, I don't stick around long enough to meet its perpetrator. I have a feeling that mother passed the 'caution in the face of Badgers' gene down in her milk. I just seem to know instinctively to avoid close contact. They're a pretty uncouth lot badgers, their latrines are all over the place on the Country Park and they're enormous!( the latrines that is) Looks like someone has emptied a whole carrier bag full of pooh all in one place and they're best avoided really unless one was hunting badgers of course. Then a swift roll in the latrine might be in order. The things one does for one's hunting vocation! Luckily I can leave that sort of thing up to the German cousins, the Dachshunds, they seem to like that kind of hunting.
These guys are best given a wide berth
Talking of the Country Park, that's my usual stomping ground and its tremendous fun even if I have to drag the staff around with me. There are so many different dogs up there that there's a new experience every time we go. So far I've met Viszlas (strange accents and no vowels), Terriers(fancy themselves a bit if you ask me), Labradors (lugubrious characters and a bit thick), Retrievers ( not much ambition, bit of a one trick pony if I'm honest), more Shih Tzus ( worse accents than the Hungarians and humourless owners. Also looks like he’s been punched in the schnoz and I can’t say I’m surprise about that!). All canine life is here really. Most are great and well up for a game of chase and if they’re not I can usually provoke them enough to start the ball rolling.
The smells are outrageous, Durlston must be a proper Sodom & Gomorrah at night and I have no real idea of what goes on after dark but the smell landscape is mind boggling and canine, vulpine, feline, mellivore, rodentine and avian pongs abound. Make me quite dizzy and my brain is fizzing by the time we get home. Tires me out for all of five minutes. I think I’m a bit ADHD.
Anybody for ritalin cocktail?
The servants, Lynda & Tony as they like to be called, are coming into line nicely. As I think I've mentioned previously they're not the sharpest knives in the drawer but they get there eventually and I can rely on a steady supply of nourishment some of it even quite palatable. They don't seem to understand the necessity for me to sink my teeth into their digits whenever I get excited but they'll just have to get used to it. There's only so many concessions I can make for them. On the plus side they're kinda warm and have some well moulded slot into which I fit nicely.
That’s all for now peeps but stay tuned to the inter webs for more of the profound prognostications of El Sid. Adios.
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